I was just studying for my lecture on monday (field studies), while waiting for my frozen pizza (yes, I’m still sick – and alone) with my nose stuffed with toilet paper.. And my thoughts started to drift away from the ethnographic studies I was reading about. I realised that uptil now I haven’t had great ambitions with my studies. Well, yes – I have ambitions to do well, and to develop my field of knowledge and myself, but I haven’t had ambitions to go somewhere particular with my studies.

I don’t wish to be a great art theorist writing academic and critical articles on important subject on the matter, I don’t wish to work as a curator at a big museum and get my vision across, I don’t wish to be an artist using my background as an art historian. All these things would be fun, and they attract me too – who doesn’t want to be succesful in what they’re doing – but I do not have great ambitions to work my arse off to go somewhere particular. Does that mean anything to the way I work, and how much I’ll get out of my BA (maybe Masters next year)? It actually frightened me a bit.
I know people on my course who are enormously motivated and have great ambitions. They use their course actively, and their lives are fixed around the pillars that make their goals. And maybe it’s just because their ambition scare me, but they seem to get further than I, I just seem to be stuck in reverse.

I think my pizza is ready. I just needed to get this off of my chest.